You Can’t Hide from Google

Posted on | August 4, 2010 | 5 Comments

According to Douglas Adams and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, “Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is.” It’s the same sort of thing with the Internet – it’s so vast and mind-bogglingly big that you can’t even comprehend how it exists as a thing. But it does. And like the universe, once you put something out there on the Internet, it’s out there. There’s no getting it back. Every day, people write articles about how you can never erase yourself from the Internet. You can drop out of sight, become inactive, but all the stuff that came before that still exists somewhere on the Internet. Whether you like it or not, the Internet knows you exist.

So, of course, it begs the question: even knowing that you can’t take it back, do you ever regret putting something out into the World Wide Web?

When I first started OM, my stepmother mentioned to me that she was surprised I seemed to write about things that were so personal. In turn, I was surprised to learn she thought what I was writing exceptionally personal things, because I had always figured I wasn’t. I suppose it’s all a matter of perspective, but her comment has always sort of lingered in my mind since then. And now, with my adventures in online dating starting to pick up and my circle of “online friends” expanding as I interact with more and more people via blogs and Twitter, I’m wondering how this all appears to someone on the outside.

From my perspective, I don’t regret what I’ve written here or on any of the other online “properties” I have (my book blog, Twitter, Facebook, etc). I have a line I won’t cross; I know exactly where it is and I know when I’m getting too close. I read every post over before I hit “publish” and since I know my mom reads this blog, I use her as a benchmark: do I want my mom to read this, to know these things? If yes, then it gets posted. If no, then I scrap it.

But it’s more than just knowledge of a line. This blog is a showcase for who I am – the good, the bad and everything in between. I like philosophical discussions about theology, politics and history. I also really love nerd-ish things like Comic-Con and the National Spelling Bee. I can act like a kid and geek out over a favorite book or movie one minute, then ponder the choices I’ve made as an adult the next.

I’m not great at face-to-face conversations. My mind races ahead and I end up fumbling for words or thoughts. But when I write, I’m better able to express exactly what I want to say. There’s no confusion or stumbling around – it’s direct and precise and what I meant to write. I’m more myself when I’m writing, which is why I find such comfort in this blog. I can have my say without anyone interrupting me. I can say the things I may not have the courage to say aloud. I can be me, in all of my glory.

I know a lot of people who write blogs talk about traffic and hits and readers. That’s fine for them. I’m happy to have readers, but I’d still be here, writing away, even if no one ever read anything I wrote. I don’t regret being so ubiquitous online at all. I know what I’m doing when I click “publish” and I know that doing so is giving me the chance to be exactly who I am.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

Comments