Adventures in Online Dating, Vol. 5

Posted on | August 27, 2010 | 2 Comments

It’s been just about three months since I started this crazy adventure and while I’ve certainly learned a lot, as this post will demonstrate, I honestly don’t know what to make of it.

Lesson #1 – I’m really bad at dating. Really bad.

I’m not good at playing little games or flirting or even pretending to have more interest in a subject or topic than I do. I’m not good at hiding what I feel, good or bad. I worry unnecessarily about everything and over-analyze things way too much. I have a tendency to be too honest and sometimes I catch myself right before I say something that might be construed the wrong way. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I’m too picky or that I’m staying involved longer than I should because I’m trying to make myself feel something that isn’t there. I don’t always have faith in my own instincts, when I’ve always trusted them before.

Lesson #2 – I’m too good at being independent.

I’m so used to doing things for myself and by myself that it’s harder than I realized to think of myself as part of a couple. I don’t think I ever truly realized how hard it is to be vulnerable, to open yourself up to another person. I’m much more private that I first thought, which is kind of ironic since I write a pretty personal blog. I also realized how inherently selfish I am, because it’s sometimes difficult for me to give up my time and my own schedule. Of course, this doesn’t mean I’m not willing or wanting to do it, especially when I know I really like someone and I have fun with him. It just surprised me to learn that I’m much more attached to my routine than I thought I was.

Lesson #3 – Online or off, it’s still all about first impressions.

Whether you meet in person or glance at a dating profile, you’re still making snap judgments about someone. I’ve met some really great people. I’ve also wanted to meet even more really great people but, for whatever reasons, they don’t respond to my messages. Maybe they don’t like my profile. Maybe they think my profile picture is goofy. I don’t know. Either way, they’re still judging me before they’ve even met me. I thought online dating would be different, but it’s really not. And the online brush-off hurts just as much as the real life one.

Lesson #4 – I am awesome.

The greatest thing to come from this adventure is a new-found confidence in myself and a greater desire to live my life the way I want. I’m so much better at expressing what it is I want now and I’m not apologizing for it anymore. Yeah, it sucks when guys won’t respond to my emails, but it’s their loss, not mine. In so many ways, I’ve never felt better about myself than I do now. And taking this chance is what led me there.

I still have three more months on my subscription, so I figure I’ll just see where things go. It can be an incredibly frustrating and glacially slow process, but I owe it to myself to let things happen as they’re supposed to. At the same time, I’m not stopping my life either. I’m not giving up anyone and anything to be available 24/7 and I’m not forgoing other activities with friends that may lead to meeting someone offline. I’m living, for what feels like the first time in a very long time.

[Photo Credit: Google Image Search]

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