Adventures in Online Dating, Vol. 3

Posted on | July 16, 2010 | No Comments

One of the reasons I initially decided to giving online dating a try was the prospect of getting to know a person based on words only. Without the chance to dismiss someone based on first impressions or physical appearances alone, I thought I stood a better chance of actually meeting a good guy. Little did I know…

Depending on which dating site you choose to use, you have to complete a personality quiz. These quizzes can range from multiple choice questions that ask you about your perfect date (while not giving you the option of choosing what would actually be your perfect date) to Likert scale statements such as “I feel sad sometimes” or “I find peace and contentment in the little things.” Personally, I find peace and contentment in mocking ridiculous personality quiz statements, but strangely enough, that wasn’t an option on my dating site.

It is impossible to answer these questions in a way that doesn’t make you seem just a little bit desperate. You start to agonize over the possible ramifications of your answers. Yes, I do feel sad sometimes. But what do you mean by “sometimes?” And if I check that option, am I going to get matched with emo guys who wear way too much eye-liner? If I say rarely, does that mean my potential soul mate is going to expect me to be so happy all the time that I give Mary Freakin’ Poppins a run for her money?

If, however, you can make it past the personality test, you’re still faced with the dreaded Profile. The profile is really just a chance for you to say, “Look how awesome I am!” in as few words as possible. You’re essentially asked to reduce yourself – a complex, complicated (in the best way) human being – to a few short pithy statements about your passions in life, the things you can’t live without and the one person who has been the biggest influence in your life.

I should note here that the most nefarious dating sites have found a way to capitalize on everything, including the profile – you can now buy, at an additional cost, natch, profile “coaching,” which will help you craft the perfect tidbits of information and guarantee you a lot of profile views.

And then there is the profile picture. This naturally leads to all sorts of second-guessing as you try to find the perfect picture, the one that screams, “Wow, I didn’t know you were going to take a picture of me!” when, of course, you totally did. I question those individuals whose pictures are wide, distance shots when you can’t really see what they look like. I’m always wondering what they’re trying to hide. Not that I should be judging – all of my pictures are from the shoulders up, with very good reason.

In the back of my mind, I knew this was the way online dating worked, but it’s amazing at what you can repress when you put your mind to it. Despite all my wishes for the chance to get to know someone without snap judgments, that’s exactly what the dating profile does. It asks you to take these little bits of information and decide, relatively quickly, whether or not you want to “continue communication.” I find myself becoming incredibly judgmental, swiftly dismissing someone on a cursory glance (he can’t remember the last book he read? Next, please!), even when I hate when it happens to me.

I foolishly thought online dating would be far easier than real-world dating, assuming I could safely hide behind the anonymity of the Internet, but I am learning that I have a lot to learn when it comes to finding love the digital way.

[Photo Credit: Google Image Search]

Comments