A Place of My Own

Posted on | July 30, 2009 | 1 Comment

When I was younger, it always seemed like I was waiting for my life to begin. I was waiting to get to high school, waiting to get to college, waiting for “real life.” I kept thinking that I wasn’t where I belonged, but if I could just finish this or do that, I would finally get to where I was “supposed” to be.

John Lennon was right. Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. Along the way, I was living, but I wasn’t really paying attention.

Now, though, I don’t feel as if I’m reaching for something else. I finally feel like I’ve stopped – not in a bad way, but in a way that makes me finally feel like I fit in my own life. Right now isn’t a stepping stone to something else. It’s right now and it’s where I want to be. This “place” I’m in now – both physically and mentally – is probably the best place I’ve been. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

I’ve never thought of myself as a typical 20-something, but I also know that I’ve closed myself off in the past a lot. I’d make a lot of excuses because I was waiting for something else to come along. As a result, sometimes I feel like I’ve missed a lot of opportunities.

But now, I’m living my life and realizing how much fun I’m having along the way. I’m meeting friends for drinks and dinner after work, making me feel like a “real” grown-up. I have a book club with some grad school friends and I’m part of a pen-pal mentoring program at one of the schools I work with.

I finally stopped trying to get somewhere else and instead started to enjoy where I was. In the process, I realized I’m exactly where I want to be. I finally feel like I’ve arrived, and even though there’s a tiny part of me that’s worried that I’m waiting for something bad to happen, I’d rather just enjoy what I have now and worry about everything else as it comes.

How’s that for enlightenment?

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